Their plane would be taking off in ten minutes. They would not be on it. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Jennifer suffered a twinge of guilt and tried hard to put the thought out of her mind. Julie had always rained on her parade. The stakes had upped a bit, but her twin sister was still behaving selfishly. Now, life hung in the balance, as Jennifer paced the waiting room, torn between fear and disappointment and guilt and anger.

She looked across the room at Burke, who was standing with his arm around Kevin’s shoulders. He must have felt her hungry gaze, because he looked up to meet her eyes. The intensity of his dark eyes took her breath away. His lips didn’t move, but she could still hear him, feel him saying he loved her. She fought the urge to run to him and throw herself against the solid wall of chest she had slept on the night before. As his wife, she had every right to do so, but the situation warranted a little discretion. No one had outwardly blamed her and Burke. Yet.

From a lifetime of experience, Jennifer figured that soon enough the fingers of blame would all be pointing at her. To hear Richard-and that’s how she now thought of the man who raised her-tell it, she had always been jealous of Julie. She had always had it in for her twin and delighted in the rare chance to hurt her. Her mother never actually voiced those thoughts, but the feeling was there. Jennifer had seen it in her mother’s eyes too many times to pretend that Julie wasn’t her favorite.

Jennifer shook her head and tossed her chestnut bangs from her forehead. The past several months had been so cleansing for her. Sure, the deal with Julie had been hard. Jennifer had never set out to intentionally hurt her twin. Their hearts were connected by that invisible bond all twins share, even though Julie believed the world revolved around her.

At least with Burke, Jennifer was safe. Safe and content in a way she had never been in her twenty nine years of life. She hadn’t stolen him from Julie. Julie had turned him loose. Richard made it sound like Jennifer was standing at the bottom of a slide, waiting to catch him and run away with him. How convenient that they had all forgotten that she had met Burke Logsdon first.

They had been friends for years. Fifteen years, to be exact. From the beginning, Burke had treated her with a respect no one else ever had. At thirteen, she hadn’t understood it was respect. She just knew that he was nice to her, and she liked him. They played tennis sometimes. Once, he helped her with an algebra assignment. He was fifteen, but he didn’t seem to be interested in anything else. She wasn’t naïve, just innocent. Nothing else ever crossed her mind.

Not so Julie. Where Jennifer had dark hair and green eyes, Julie was a blue eyed blonde. Jennifer was athletic, slender and flat chested until she was in her twenties. Julie was voluptuous and anxious to try her girlish traits on any interested male.

It didn’t hurt that Burke was good looking. Julie called him a heart throb. Jennifer rolled her eyes and said, “Yeah, whatever.” Julie sent every signal at every opportunity to let Burke know she was willing and available. A couple of times, Jennifer caught them in questionable positions: arms around each other, lips close enough to touch with an outstretched tongue, or hands tucked in places their parents wouldn’t approve of. Jennifer didn’t care.

Even when Julie and Burke started going together-Jennifer always laughed at that, because they never went anywhere-she and Burke were still good friends. He made her laugh. They both liked Daffy Duck, rocky road ice cream, and Andre Agassi. She told him her dreams of becoming an artist, dreams she had never shared with anyone. Including her twin sister. When she was sixteen, she showed him her sketch diary. He was floored at her talent. She had a knack for sketching everything, it seemed. Landscapes, churches, sunsets, even people. He praised her work. She continued to keep it a secret from her family. She knew, even if Burke didn’t understand, they would never accept it.

Julie moaned and griped to no end, if and when Burke called the house to talk to Jennifer. He called her late one Friday evening to tell her about his father’s accident. Julie was out with friends. Jennifer invited him over. She held him. At sixteen, she gave him her virginity, knowing that in the morning, he would call Julie. She gave him everything she could and then some. He had lost his father, and it broke her heart. His father had been his best friend and hero. She felt like she could sort of relate, because she had never known her father. And of course, like kids do, she had built him up in her heart and soul to be a hero.

Making love to Burke had been frightening at first. She knew he had been with Julie, so she wondered how she would compare. It didn’t matter. Love guided her. With hungry, groping hands and mouths, they devoured each other. Afterwards, they lay, arms and legs entwined, her bare breasts flat against his chest, eyes closed.

“Jen-“

“Don’t,” she whispered. “I know you love Julie. You needed a friend. I’ll always be your friend.”

Julie never found out about that night. It was she who stood at his side at his father’s funeral. Jennifer sat with her parents and prayed for Burke and his family. She didn’t talk to him all day, but once, his dark eyes met hers over the river of mourners. In that instant she felt him again, inside her. She realized she didn’t love him. She was in love with him. Hopelessly in love with her sister’s boyfriend. Her own best friend.

Spoiled and selfish, Julie drug Burke along like a dog on a leash. She broke up with him frequently, only to have him begging her to take him back. She even confided once to Jennifer that she loved to hear the desperation in his voice, his need for her. She loved the presents he gave her-the flowers, the jewelry-to win her back. She loved how he took her to bed and satisfied her every desire when he was trying to win her back.

Julie angered her to no end when she treated Burke this way. She had always been like this, pitting her parents one against the other, friends against friends, choosing the one who could give her more at the time. Jennifer sat back quietly, watching her sister manipulate the people she supposedly cared about. It hurt her to see Julie treat Burke so terribly.

It hurt her even more to see Burke stay and let Julie use him.

Jennifer started college. Julie got married. Sensing that Jennifer had a crush on Burke, it gave Julie perverse pleasure to ask Jennifer to be her maid of honor. To Jennifer’s credit, she was a very giving maid of honor. She held Julie’s flowers with pride, straightened her gown whenever she moved an inch, and toasted the bride and groom at the reception. Jennifer took a date to the reception, but she did dance once with Burke. Though making love to him was very much on her mind, their one night together was gone from his eyes. He was drunk on love and excitement for his new wife and new life. Jennifer bowed out graciously, for this was the way it was supposed to be.

She took her date home and to bed. Afterwards, she lay crying while he slept. There had been no love, no joy or pleasure. She ached for Burke.

She shunned men after that night and threw herself head first into her college career. Graduating with honors was certainly worth it, as was the financial investor position she landed three months later. Her life was good.

When Kevin was born two years later, she was thrilled to be an aunt and honored when Julie and Burke asked her to be his godmother. She was close to her nephew, loved him like crazy because he was Burke’s son and she knew she would never have a child of her own.

The marital bliss wore off quickly. Julie reverted to her old tricks. Three times she asked Burke to move out. Each time, Burke went to Jennifer for support. She offered a shoulder, but nothing more. He was her sister’s husband. When Julie called to complain about Burke, Jennifer listened but never commented.

Not even when Julie called and bragged about her first extra-marital affair did Jennifer comment. She was furious. Her mother suspected something was wrong in Julie’s marriage, but of course she blamed Burke. After all, Julie did no wrong.

Jennifer rested her forehead against the cool window pane and closed her eyes. Remembering that night always hurt, even though it did finally give her Burke.

He had caught Julie in the act. It had been going on for over five years-different men, of course, but Julie hadn’t been a faithful wife for five years. He came home from work early one afternoon, hoping to get Kevin from school and take him to a baseball card show. Instead he walked in on his wife riding a stranger in his bed.

It hit him then, as he walked out without a word, that he was an idiot. He had married the wrong woman. He had known it all those years ago when he said I do. He would have understood if Jennifer had shut the door in his face. She didn’t. She asked him in and popped the top on a beer for him.

“She’s screwing someone else.”

Jennifer swallowed hard. She wondered briefly if he meant someone other than him or someone different than last week. Wisely, she kept her mouth shut.

“You aren’t surprised.”

“No.” She shook her head.

“How did you know?”

“She told me.”

“And you didn’t tell me?”

“She’s your wife, Burke. How in the hell is it my place to tell you something like that?”

“I thought we were friends.”

“We are. And that’s why I’ve stayed out of your marriage.”

“How could she do this to me? To Kevin?”

“She’s just being Julie, Burke,” Jennifer whispered. “Nothing’s changed.”

Her voice was husky with tears. She hoped he didn’t notice.

“How come you guys are so different?” He didn’t expect an answer, especially not the one he got.

“Because we have different fathers.”

“You’re twins.”

“Not identical,” Jennifer answered quietly. “There’s nothing alike about us.”

“You’re serious, aren’t you?”

“Yeah.” She nodded. “My mother had an affair. She slept with my father and then later that night, went home and had sex with Richard. Maybe it was guilt or something. I was conceived first. And then along came Julie. Unlike Julie, she admitted to Richard what she had done. DNA testing proved that the beautiful blue eyed blond was the daughter of the husband. The true daughter. I was the spawn of the other man. The homewrecker. I’ve never met my father. I don’t even know who he is.”

“Christ, Jennifer, I’m so sorry.”

Jennifer gave him a lopsided grin. “Water under the bridge, Burke. I’m actually glad Julie and I aren’t alike.”

“Me too.” He nodded. “Why do you love her?”

“She’s my sister. Why do you love her?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

“I sometimes find it hard to believe that anyone who isn’t related to her can love her.” Jennifer chuckled.

“I think I stayed with her all these years because it’s kept me close to you.”

Her glass slipped out of her hand. Wine and shards of glass littered the floor.

“Shit.” She dropped to her knees to clean it up. Burke rushed to her side.

“I’ve always loved you, Jennifer. I couldn’t stand the way you looked at me, like I wasn’t there. Like I didn’t matter.”

“Like you didn’t matter? Burke, you were the only friend I ever had. The only one who saw me for who I am. Instead of Julie’s twin sister.”

“I wanted you to see me as a man. Not a friend.”

“Look.” She pushed his hand away when he reached to stroke her cheek. “Whatever we feel, it doesn’t matter. You’re married, Burke. To my sister. This conversation should go no further.”

“That night you made love to me, Jennifer, I never wanted to leave your arms. When it was over, I wanted to tell you how I felt about you, but you cut me off cold. Told me you would always be my friend.”

“Burke.”

“I know, I know. You’ve gone on with your life. I’ve always been in love with you. I should have just asked you to marry me. I should have forced you to tell me to leave or stay. All these years I’ve been with Julie, I’ve closed my eyes and pretended-“

“Burke, Julie is gorgeous. She has beautiful eyes. She’s elegant. Sophisticated. She’s got a body men can’t keep their hands off. Don’t patronize me. I know she hurt you, but I won’t let you use me again.”

“I never used you. I poured all of my life and my heart into you that night we were together. Julie is pretty on the surface. But she’s not you. I love you. I love how your hair falls into your eyes. I always have to fight myself from brushing it back from your forehead. I remember that night your hair smelled like flowers. It was so soft on my chest. Every time I see you, I want to run my fingers through it. I just want to see your eyes. I love your eyes.”

“Do you wanna fuck me?” A tear rolled down her cheek. “Fuck me and then go back to Julie tomorrow and pretend she’s me?”

“Jennifer-“

“You never had to stay with her. She treated you like a damned dog, and you let her.”

“What would you have said, if I’d have told you I loved you? That night?”

“I wouldn’t have believed you. Anymore than I believe you now. I don’t love you, Burke. Go home to your wife.”

“My wife is in bed with someone else.”

“Well, you aren’t going to solve anything by climbing into my bed. Not this time.”

“I hoped you loved me.”

“I don’t.”

“What happened to your dreams, Jennifer? Of being an artist?”

“I grew up, Burke.”

He stood and helped her to her feet. Neither of them noticed the wine or glass still on the kitchen floor.

“Growing up doesn’t have to mean giving up.”

She swallowed hard, but she held his gaze.

“Do you still sketch?” he asked quietly.

“Some.”

“Can I see your diary? Just one more time?”

“No.”

“Please?”

She disappeared down a short hallway. When she reappeared she was holding her sketch diary in trembling hands. Holding her breath, she watched him leaf through the familiar drawings. She knew exactly when he came to it, because his body tensed.

“Jen?”

“You fell asleep that night. Afterwards. I watched you. I thought you were beautiful. So I drew you.”

His fingers reverently whispered over the full nude sketch she had made of him twelve years before.

“I never thought I was, but this is.”

She turned away, with tears in her eyes, when he turned the page.

“Oh, Jennifer,” he said softly. She knew the picture well. She had cried over it for years. Still did, at times. Burke laying next to Julie. Both nude, both asleep.

“It was never like that with her. What we had was special-“

“Stop it!” Jennifer sobbed. “Stop it, Burke. Dammit, I am trying to do the right thing, and it’s so hard. I have always tried to do the right thing. It hurts. Julie comes first. She always has. You made your choice, Burke. Your decisions don’t just concern you now. What about Kevin?”

“Kevin’s crazy about you.”

“He’s crazy about his mother too.” Jennifer wiped at her eyes.

“Jennifer, I-“

“She’ll beg you to come back. She pushes you away, but it’s just her way of controlling you. Of getting what she wants. She’ll call, and you’ll go back. Just like you always do.”

“What if I don’t? What if I tell Julie that marrying her instead of you was a mistake?”

Jennifer shook her head. “Don’t do that. Don’t do that to her. She loves you.”

“She doesn’t-“

“In her own way, as much as she knows how, she loves you. It will kill her if you don’t go back.”

“I can’t go back this time.” Burke rubbed his eyes. He drug his fingers through his thick dark hair and rubbed at the base of his neck. “I can’t go back. I can’t pretend any more that I don’t love you.”

Julie had threatened to kill herself when Burke announced that he was leaving. She had ripped Jennifer to shreds when she found out Burke was in love with her. Richard, Julie’s father, had forbidden her to come inside his home. Their mother fretted anxiously, asking Jennifer to please back off and let Julie have him, worrying that her precious Julie would make serious her threat to kill herself.

Burke had been persistent. When they did make love again, it was like coming home. Jennifer could not deny how much she loved him, when she felt all of him inside her. Warm tears washed her face as her arms closed around his neck and her legs wrapped around his waist.

Afterwards, after a year of this new relationship, after his divorce was final, Burke asked Jennifer to marry him. She accepted.

The wedding was a simple affair but still the happiest moment of Jennifer’s life. Afterwards, Julie drove her car into a brick wall. The honeymoon in Jamaica would have to wait.

Jennifer looked around the ICU waiting room, wondering when the blame would be thrown down on her shoulders. She said a silent prayer for Julie and then with a glance at her husband and Kevin, another silent prayer for herself and Burke.