Fiction

Beautiful Scars

William Falo

Amber heard a baby crying and it pierced deeply into the darkness of her suppressed memories. She hurried to the window and shut it quickly with tears flowing down her cheeks. Then she went into the kitchen and took a knife out. It felt good against her skin and the cold metal sent goose bumps up her arm. A thin red line of blood appeared but she managed to shake the knife out of her hand. It clattered on the floor as she ran to the couch and curled up with a pillow.

At Stockton College the next morning she went into the room where she set up a light box. The first student came in wearing a shirt that said “Carve love on her arms.” Amber didn’t ask what it meant but it haunted her.

Sitting down, he said, “Hi, I’m Adam will this hurt?”

Amber explained, “Not at all, this is a therapy used for seasonal effective disorder in northern countries during the winter when they receive very little sunshine. My senior thesis is that it could be used for obvious depression cases instead of anti-depressants.”

“Well, let’s begin.”

She specifically requested emo or goth students because they dressed in dark clothes and were seen as being depressed. She just called them broken. Adam wore black clothes and Amber noticed that snake tattoos wound up his arms. After the light therapy Adam smiled and left in a good mood.

That night after studying in the library, Amber went to the student pub and saw Adam laughing with friends. She sat in the corner alone sipping a drink. A student she knew approached the table. “Hi. Can I join you?”

“Okay,” she said apprehensively. She knew he despised her because she beat him out for a grant they both applied for.

Drew wore expensive clothes and smelled of rich cologne. “Amber, how did you get that grant? It must have been your looks or something you did,” he said.

“Maybe I earned it.” She stood up to leave.

Drew got up, “I bet you did.”

“I’m not going to take this.” She started to walk away.

Drew grabbed her arm tight which caused her sleeve to roll up. “Let me go,” Amber said as she struggled to get free.

He held her arm, “That's disgusting,” he said. Her arm was lined with zigzagging scars. “You’re disgusting,” he repeated and pushed her away. She gathered herself and quickly pulled her sleeve down. She looked up as she left and saw Adam looking in her direction.

The next day a new student came in to help with her research. “Hi, I’m Jenny.” Amber explained the light box and proceeded to turn it on. She recognized Jenny from the pub. She was one of Adam’s friends. Her dark clothes looked old and scraggly compared to Amber’s designer clothes. After the therapy, Jenny got up and said, “Tomorrow there’s going to be a party at the cabins by Lake Fred. There will be music, food, and good times. Do you want to come?”

Amber said, “No thanks.” She couldn’t picture herself at a goth party.

Amber left and drove to Brigantine where she rented a small house while attending college. She opened the windows to let in the salty fresh air from the Atlantic Ocean. She felt lonely and fought the urge go into the kitchen to get a knife. Instead she knitted while carefully avoiding the sharp point of the needle.

The next day at Stockton, Amber saw Professor Layton walking in her direction. She quickly turned down another hallway and then went out into a courtyard and followed a sandy trail around Lake Fred. Turtles floated around in the cedar water as she stared at her reflection. Her failure to confront him cut into her deeply. He had offered her a good grade when she was overwhelmed as a freshman in return for a night out. She received a passing grade and a baby. He refused to see her after he found out she was pregnant and she had an abortion but never confronted him.

The present tranquility of the lake became shattered by the sound of loud music. The goth party started nearby and the band started tuning up their electric guitars.

A large black and white snake slithered across her path and she stumbled backward into the arms of Drew. “Hi, Amber,” he said as his arm embraced her. “I’m not used to being turned down and I’m willing to overlook your scars if you’re good.”

She yelled but the music drowned out her screams. Drew easily over powered her and led her down a sandy path into the woods. She fought but couldn’t get free of his grip. “If you resist any more I’ll tell everyone about your scars after I’m done.” Amber panicked and bit his arm and Drew shoved her down. She looked up as Adam came into the path carrying a stick. He swung and hit Drew on the head knocking him down. Drew slowly got up as blood started to trickle down his far head as he ran away, stumbling into branches and trees.

“Amber, are you alright?” Adam asked.

She looked up and mumbled, “How did you find me?”

“I always come here because my senior thesis is about northern pine snakes. Along this path is where they give birth so I always come here to check on them. Make sure you stay on the main path because they can be very aggressive when defending their offspring.” She remembered his snake tattoos. Then she looked into Adam’s blue eyes and noticed how bright they looked in contrast to his dark clothes. He stared at her scars as her arm was exposed from where Drew grabbed her. “Amber even your scars are beautiful but promise me you’ll give them time to heal.”

“I promise,” she said.

With the rock music echoing through the woods, they never heard Drew return and before they could move he plunged a knife into Adam’s back. Adam fell down with his mouth wide open in shock as Amber screamed. Drew turned to run away but tripped on a rock and slid into the brush off the path. Snakes appeared from everywhere and crawled onto him. He screamed as they sunk their fangs into him. He collapsed into the edge of the lake, where he remained face down as the snakes crawled away.

Amber held Adam’s head as he whispered, “Don’t c...”

“No,” she yelled as Adam closed his eyes. She ran to the party for help covered with Adam’s blood and collapsed into the arms of the first person she saw.

Time became a blur and Amber remained in bed unwilling to leave the darkness even though she remembered her light therapy experiments. Jenny came to her house and hugged her, “I know you’re in a lot of pain.” Amber slumped on the couch as tears flowed down her cheeks. Jenny looked at the knife on the couch and said, “You have to get better so you can help others.”

Amber said, “You don’t understand. I don’t have anyone. Adam saved me and it cost him his life. How can I live with that? I didn’t deserve that. I’m not that good a person.”

Jenny said, “You always have me and I know Adam saw something special in you. He told me that and he wouldn’t want you to be so sad.”

Amber didn’t answer but just sat there sobbing. Jenny brushed her wavy brown hair out of her eyes. “Do you want to get a cup of coffee?”

Amber nodded. She misjudged everyone. The ones she called broken became her friends. The scars on her arms itched as they healed and at times it felt like her heart itched too. Amber knew that for now on she needed to bring things out of the darkness of her heart and into the light.

Eventually getting out, Amber and Jenny walked to the trail where Adam died. Jenny waited while Amber went to the place he died and hammered a nail into a tree and hung the sign she made that claimed the path as Adam’s Trail. Then she turned to walk back toward Jenny and froze when a northern pine snake slithered across the path in front of her. It stopped and Amber gasped as the snake appeared to have bright blue eyes but then they changed and she thought it was just a reflection from the nearby stream. Slowly, she reached down her shaking hand and the snake curled around her scars then it crawled off and slithered away. She watched as it disappeared into the shadows and then she looked up as streams of sunshine streaked through the clouds illuminating the path in front of her.